Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
