chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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