Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
