Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
