A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
