Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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