I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
