they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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