i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
