So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
