He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
