I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
