Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
