Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
