the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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