Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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