ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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