A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
