hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
