I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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