how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
