never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
