i barfeds in our rink
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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