Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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