I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need a hoe opinion
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