i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
