she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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