Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
