why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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