I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
