so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
