The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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