we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
