well I can't set my house on fire every night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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