I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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