apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
