I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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