I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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