we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
