she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
