Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
