I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
