i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
