im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
