I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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