your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Boobs are out for the taking
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