We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You can't just leave with hair like that
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
