My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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