He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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