I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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